Yet another person reads My Immortal
by MasteroftheMidnightYard
Summary: Oh look, yet another person has views and opinions on this terrible story and decided to enlighten you all with them! Shall we take a look? Thanks to TheFeaturedCreature for the idea! All credit for the original story goes to Tara Gilesbie (did I spell that right?)!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own HP. I weep. I do not own this story. I thank the heavens. I think we all do.**

Yet another Person reads My Immortal

Chapter 1

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffick) **(Riiiggghhhttt) **2 my gf (ew not in that way) **(Somehow I have a hard time believing that) **raven, bloodytearz666 4 helping wif da story and spelling **(She has the I.Q. of a rodent, but I'm sure no one will notice! ) **U rock!

Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rock 2! MCR ROX! **('grabs all three rocks' Gather round! We're gonna have a stoning!)**

Hi my name is Ebony Darkness **(this is gonna end badly) **Dementia Raven Way **(I rest my case) **and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) **(fake) **with purple streaks **(faaakke) **and red tips **(ten to one she's actually bald) **that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears **(apparently she's not the sharpest (or most limpid) "goffick" crayon in the box.) **and a lot of people say I look like Amy Lee **(poor Amy Lee) **(AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!) **(If I know who she is, can I go anyway?) **I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was cause he's a major f*ckin hottie **(please don't drag poor Gerard into this.)**

I'm a vampire **(not another one!) **but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin **(that sparkles in sunlight)**. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen) **(How long have you been seventeen?) **I'm a goth **(poseur) **(in case you couldn't tell) **(No I can't) **and I wear mostly black. **(You're practically screaming poseur)** I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. **(how'd you get to America so quickly?)**

For example today I was wearing a black corsetwith matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets, and black combat boots. **(you're trying way too hard, honey) **I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner, and red eye shadow **(OH MY GOD IT'S A CLOWN RUN!) **I was walking outside Hogwarts.

It was snowing and raining **(what creative weather) **so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. **(so the puny mortals can't see you sparkle) **A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them **(just because you're a (poseur) goth does not mean you hate preps. I sure don't!)**

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. **(Amy Lee? Sebastian Michaelis? OH MY GOD EDGAR ALLAN POE CAME BACK TO LIFE? WHERE?)**

Draco Malfoy! (**awww!)**

"What's up Draco?" I asked. "Nothing" he said shyly. **(HAHAHAHAHA!)**

But then, I heard my friends call me **(you have friends?) **and I had to go away. **(Hallelujah!)**

AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz! **(do you REALLY want me to answer that?)**

**Stay updated! I will reveal more of the cold hard truth later!**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2.

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok!** (FLAAAMMEEE!)**

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again.** (It was also sunny at the same time! How magical!)** I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had.** (Buy your bottle o' blood today! Only $2.99 at Kmart!)** My coffin was black ebony** (really?)** and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun. **(so you either changed wigs or made it so no one could see those (fake) highlights of yours.)**

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) **(and we don't care!)** woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. **(what? Her eyes aren't red? And you said she was "goffik"!)** She put on her Marilyn Manson **(this guy gives me a headache)** t-shirt with a black mini fishnets **(in other words, invisible ones!) **and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.) (**Thank you so much! While you were boring us with a detailed explanation of all of your fashion choices today, the story ran off and tried to get some actual plot. Sadly, it failed, so you were just wasting our time. *****Clap**Clap*)**

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly.

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing. **(why yes, people do talk to each other. It's called a social life. Which you seem to be lacking!)**

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted.

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me. **("I heard what you just said!")**

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily. **(uhhhhh…..)**

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" I asked. **(what?)**

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me. **(I thought Hogsmeade was a magic town! Not a plot device!)**

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR. **(which are not "goffik" in any way!)**

"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped. **("I'll pretend that this is a cliffhanger so people can find out if I go with him or not! This is the best suspenseful moment ever! Um, OMG!")**

**Bye for now! I'll update soon!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: must I say it?**

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! **(The review page is practically on fire!)** FANGS AGEN RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte.

On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front.**(You mean lace)** I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. (***facepalm*)** I read a depressing book **(Gasp! You're reading Twilight?)** while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway. **(Then why'd you put a ton on earlier?)** I drank some human blood **(Only $2.99!)** so I was ready to go to the concert. **(You know, no one really cares what you're wearing right now! You could be wearing a nightgown and I couldn't care less! In fact, why don't you do that? Then we all won't have to go through the mental torture of your clothing choices! There's an idea!)**

I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car. He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too) **(who just so happen to be no gother then MCR)**, baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!). **(can I buy some of whatever it is that you're smoking?)**

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice. **(I'd be depressed too if I were dressed like a walking flashlight)**

"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. **(Okay, if that's what you're smoking, then I really don't want it)** When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood They're all so happy you've arrived The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song). **(Of course! We all know you're not original in the slightest, so how could you even write a song? Silly me!)**

"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.

Suddenly Draco looked sad. **(get out the paper towels! He's gonna slit his wrists!)**

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective. **(Where's the insensitive and cold Draco Malfoy we all know and love gone?)**

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face. **(Ah, tis the pot calling the kettle black, or pink in this case)**

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji **(Puppy? Where?)** and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into… the Forbidden Forest! (**DUN DUN DUUUUN!)**

**Author's Note: so sorry for not updating! Ton of stuff came up, and then the holidays rolled around, so I never had time!**


	4. Chapter 4

AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY nut mary su OK! **(keep the dream alive, hun)**DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok! **(and you didn't bother to explain this before because?)**

"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?" **(building a pointless plot twist)**

Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously. **(stupidity killed the Enoby. curiosity was framed.)**

"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily.

"Ebony?" he asked.

"What?" I snapped. **("I'm a woman.")**

Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore. **(unfortunatly, I am now weeping for humanity)**

And then… suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. **(if my eyes could bleed, they would be doing so right now)**He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time. **(and here we see, children, the Goffick mating ritual)**

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm**(and thankfully not sparkling)**. And then….

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!" **(oh god…)**

It was….Dumbledore! **(yep, still weeping)**

**Be back soon!**


	5. Chapter 5

AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! **(so I'm a poseur now. that's a new one.)** Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache ok (**or you were high. It could go either way.)** an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws! **(wishful thinking is gonna get you nowhere)**

Dumbledore made and Draco and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.

"You ludacris fools!" he shouted. **(apparently, the writer also lacks a dictionary)**

I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face **(F is for Frank who got stabbed in the eye)**. Draco comforted me. When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall who were both looking very angry.

"They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" he yelled in a furious voice. **(gasp! really?)**

"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Professor McGonagall. **(I'm writing every single one of these insults down! this is comedy genius!)**

"How dare you?" demanded Professor Snape.

And then Draco shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!" **(*insert Disney movie reference here*) **

Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms." (**oh yeah, send them up to their rooms, the most common place for more "sexual intercourse", without any punishment! That's a great idea!)**

Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us. **("those darn kids, having sexual intercourse in the forest! that's just as bad as skateboarding on the sidewalk!")**

"Are you okay, Ebony?" Draco asked me gently.

"Yeah I guess." I lied. I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels **(why is this relevant?)**. When I came out….

Draco was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing 'I just wanna live' by Good Charlotte. I was so flattered, even though he wasn't supposed to be there **(cause breaking into the girl's dorms is sooooo flattering).** We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room. **(he wanted more "sexual intercourse")**

**I am so sorry, TheFeaturedCreature! I just had to use the F is for Frank line! Please don't murder me! **

**I'll write more later!**


	6. Chapter 6

AN: shjt up prepz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows! **(And how many chapters actually follow this one?)**

The next day I woke up in my coffin. I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with purple. **(That hair colour with that outfit? Do you even know what you're doing?)**

In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal **(wasn't that banned or something?) **with blood instead of milk, and a glass of red blood **(Now introducing our product in a glass as well! Only at K-Mart!) **Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top.

"Bastard!" I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic **(Did you just spell that correctly?) **boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. **(Oh lovely, here we go.) **He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face and he was wearing black lipstick. He didn't have glasses anymore and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco's and there was no scar on his forhead anymore. **(Are you implying that you've had interactions with this guy before and so you know what he used to look like, or is this just your seizure-inducing plot development again?) **He had a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy English accent. He looked exactly like Joel Madden. He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko. **(I don't know. Wouldn't a girl getting an erection be totally rebelling against the oppressive mainstream society and all of those dreadful preps we so despise? Looks like someone's not as non-conformist as she lets on, is there something we should know about?)**

"I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice.

"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned.

"My name's Harry Potter, although most people call me Vampire these days." he grumbled. **(…what)**

"Why?" I exclaimed.

"Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled.

"Well, I am a vampire." I confessed. **(I'll need to see your registration and documents confirming this from the Department of Magical Creatures. You are registered, correct?)**

"Really?" he whimpered.

"Yeah." I roared. **(…Obviously not.)**

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him. **(And once again, the author has astounded us again with their conclusions and rounding up the scope and brilliance of the chapter! Let's give them a hand, shall we?)**

**I have a reason for not updating! …School. Okay, I'm done. Please don't hate me. **


	7. Chapter 7

AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws. **(God must really like how this is going.) **n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons! STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! Evony isn't a Marie Sue ok she isn't perfect SHES A SATANITS! n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz sake! **(The way depression is portrayed as beautiful these days? I'm having doubts.)**

Draco and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs. I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?). **(Please don't let me answer that one, I'm known to be brutally honest.)** I waved to Vampire. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. **(With all the names everything is given in this story, the possibilities go from actual sadness to a new shade of eyeliner. But there are some things that humans just aren't meant to know…) **I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Draco. Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco. We went into his room and locked the door. Then… **(Wait for it…)**

We started frenching passively and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. **(And there we go! Another gratuitous scandal of a scene in a clearly inaccurately rated story!) **He felt me up before I took of my top. Then I took off my black leather bra **(ouch)** and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy's thingy **(DICK) **in mine **(In your dick?) **and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?) **(Without proper protection? I'm surprised there aren't a million mini goffick Enobies running around, they way you two go like rabbits.)**

"Oh Draco, Draco!" I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words… Vampire! **(Wow, that could mean anybody!)**

I was so angry.

"You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.

"No! No! But you don't understand!" Draco pleaded. But I knew too much.

"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!" **(You would know, wouldn't you?)**

I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. Draco ran out even though he was naked. He had a really big you-know-what **(Walk into the club like "What's up? I got a big you-know-what!".) **but I was too mad to care. I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire's classroom where he was having a lesson with Professor Snape and some other people.

"VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I yelled. **(More like a Dracofucker, am I right?)**

**I'm sorry I'm not as funny as I usually am, I've been surviving off 4 hours of sleep every night for the past 2 weeks, and don't plan on changing that.**


	8. Chapter 8

AN: stop flassing ok! if u do de prep! **(Gather 'round, folks! It's time to learn how to do the Prep! It's the new Gangnam!)**

Everyone in the class stared at me and then Draco came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back. **(Does this happen regularly? Why am I not surprised?)**

"Ebony, it's not what you think!" Draco screamed sadly.

My friend B'loody Mary Smith smiled at me understatedly. **(Oh, look. Yet another bastardization of the normal Hogwarts attendee. This is gonna be good.) **She flipped her long waste-length gothic black hair and opened her crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on. She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on. Hermione was kidnapped when she was born. **(WHAT)** Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch but Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. **(What the actual fuck? Now you're trashing Hermionie as well?) **She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed. **(THAT'S LOVELY.) **It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger. (Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Slytherin now not Griffindoor. ) **(ISN'T THIS WONDERFUL. APPARENTLY, SLYTHERIN = GOTHIC. FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC.) **

"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!" Snape demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him. **(Not only does the author still need a dictionary, as 'demeaning' clearly was not used correctly, but Snape doesn't seem to notice the real issue at hand, does he?)**

"Vampire, I can't believe you cheated on me with Draco!" I shouted at him.

Everyone gasped. **(Yeah, I'll bet money that this is a normal occurrence. Every Tuesday at 11:00, and the occasional Fridays. An entire schedule up in the Great Hall. "Unnecessary Goffick Teen Post-Sex Drama" (may contain partial or full nudity and raunchy language, not appropriate for first-years).)**

I don't know why Ebony was so mad at me. **(Wait, what?) **I had went out with Vampire (I'm bi and so is Ebony) **(Did we just switch perspectives, or is the writer just that bad?) **for a while but then he broke my heart. He dumped me because he liked Britney, a stupid preppy fucker. **(With a name like that? There's probably a reason we don't ever hear from this alleged preppy fucker, eh Draco?) **We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. **(So horrible problems just make you a goth? Huh. Guess I'm not really goth then, am I?) **(Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.)

"But I'm not going out with Draco anymore!" said Vampire.

"Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!" I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virility **(Virility (n): manly vigor; the power of procreation. Obviously, it's a wonder you're not pregnant, do you by chance have any rabbit ancestors in there along with all the vampires?) **to Draco and then I started to bust into tears.

**I'm just shootin' these out there, aren't I? Ah well, it's summer. **


	9. -Commenter's Interruption-

**Hey everyone.**

**So, I got a comment today, saying that my fic is violating rules or something, and they threatened to report me and have them suspend my account if I don't remove it.**

**I read the rules right afterwards, and I didn't see anything my fic was doing that was violating anything. **

**So I think it's their way of telling me that my story sucks.**

**I really do love writing this, but now I don't know. I don't get a lot of views on any of my stories, and I don't want to bother anyone with them! I'm just wondering if anyone even reads this. For someone to hate my story so much as to threaten to report me probably means I suck, doesn't it? Hah.**

**I'm sorry if I'm bothering anyone, I just need to know whether it's worth continuing or not. So, does anyone still read this? I know I'm not very witty, and most of my comments are just me being cynical and a sarcastic asshole. But I don't want to delete this story if people still want me to update. I know I shouldn't let flames get to me, but still.**

**I'm really sorry. If it turns out no one even likes this story, I'll most likely delete it. Then you'll be happy, right?**

**I don't want to update and work on something everyone thinks is annoying and stupid. **

**So yeah. If you actually like this story and think it's worth continuing, please let me know! Even if it's only one person in the end!  
>(If you're related to me, you don't count. I'm looking at you, trudivination.)<strong>

**-MasteroftheMidnightYard**


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